It is the season where we celebrate the birth of Christ, the birth of love. We are invited to open our hearts to the transcendent love that Christ brought. Such love brings meaning, it is meaning.
However, we also need to find meaning in our lives even when we are out of touch with the profound love that Christ represents. We need to find meaning even when our lives are full of anxiety, depression, distress, fear, anger, disillusionment. When we are caught under our particular form of clouds with their negative dark shadows of self-doubt and doubt about the world. Shadows where meaning seems to desert us at best and turn malevolent at worst.
This is where we need a frame of understanding to be able to withstand the negative winds, in order to at least be supported to wait until the storm passes and we can regain a saner perspective. Without this we risk getting sucked into panicky compensatory enactments which can feed a negative spiral.
This “frame” is about understanding and holding onto the fact that we are a developmental process. That all our difficulties and negativity and resistances are understandable within this context. For this we need to deepen our awareness and see how all our negativity emerges from trauma of some sort (in its widest sense). The “clouds” we feel under are triggered by our archaic buttons being pressed by some event or other. The held repressed trauma is re-stimulated and because the past trauma has not been able to be reconciled, understood, processed, i.e. we were defeated by it, we feel defeated again. Because back then, the only way we could unconsciously make sense of the trauma was to make ourselves ‘bad’, ‘inadequate’, ‘not good enough’ etc., those feelings are re-stimulated. The world again becomes a “bad place”, “I’m bad”, we are back into having to run away, defend, project, indulge, indeed do anything to try to escape what we could not face before and what is right in front of us again now.
But as we see this more and more clearly, as we slowly open to and face the unfaceable, as we consciously allow the trapped energy to dissipate throughout our bodies, we heal our past more and more. Then we increasingly know that our negativity and our “clouds” are just the expression of our trauma that needs healing. Then we know more clearly that underneath we are good and the world is good. Then we are well on our way towards re-open our hearts to love ourselves as well as this crazy world we live in, full of suffering ‘crazies’ like ourselves. As we slowly free ourselves from our past we can live ever closer to the alive energy of this present moment and to love and silence. To the heart of Christmas.